Why I'm Giving Up On Turkish Cypriot Girls

Diler Mehmet

Growing up, I was always told that there are two types of women in this world: the ones you want to have fun with and the ones you want to marry.
As a 26-year-old man, I am now looking for the one I want to marry, however there seems to be a lack of the latter. Girls these days seem to want to personify both types of women in one, but often get lost in translation and end up being too far over one end of the spectrum.

Just because you can cook and clean does not mean you’re ‘wifey material’. There seems to be a common misconception that this is enough. Boy oh boy is the bar low. A clean house and dolma for dinner are not enough to sustain a relationship. Whilst basic household skills are essential for living and food might be a way to a man’s heart, there is more that constitutes wifey material than cleaning up after him and making him a hot dinner. Being able to support each other, power through tough times, having good communication skills, mutual respect and loyalty, the same morals, ideologies, and seeking the same outcome from life is way more important than the services you can provide. In this regard, on one hand, you want to claim you’re a good girl, with traditional morals and values who can nurture a family, trying to sell yourself to me as the perfect Turkish housewife, yet on the other hand, your Instagram profile says the total opposite; how am I, and every other follower, seeing you in your underwear before I’ve even met you? Empowerment and confidence are one thing, sexualising yourself for Instagram clout and male attention is a total other thing.

There’s more to life than going shisha every weekend and getting your nails done. What are your actual interests? What do you want for yourselves beyond looking pretty and having a lavish wedding? I bet most of these girls wouldn’t be able to actually answer these questions. They are more concerned with their exteriors that they’ve forgotten to nurture their interior. What’s the point of looking good if there’s no substance? Whilst it’s usually the exterior that sparks a guy’s interest, looks only last so long. What’s going to keep a guy around? I find intelligence and ambition just as attractive as your looks, but Turkish Cypriot girls seem to fail to realise that this substance is what is going to keep men like me around.

It seems to be a common theme for the girls within the community to be daddy’s girls, which encompasses and encourages a princess mindset and prestige attitude. This ‘my shit doesn’t stink’ attitude is immature and so unattractive, even if your exterior isn’t. This princess attitude then affects their requirements for men. All these unrealistic expectations when they can’t even offer half the list that they’re expecting.

Please do not misunderstand me, whilst I believe a large chunk of Turkish Cypriot girls are like this, not all of them are. I’ve met a few, though they are very rare. However, what I’ve noticed is that they’re so sheltered from life due to a stricter and more ‘cultured’ lifestyle that they haven’t tasted the world and therefore lack experience in any part of their lives, which also brings a heavy sense of immaturity. It’s one extreme vs the other; being an inexperienced girl with no mind of her own vs the incredibly modern girl who acts prestige because she always gets what she wants. There seems to be a clear lack of the in-between; someone who is cultured and traditional but has still experienced life and has ambition. Not just someone who is essentially English with the ability to speak Turkish.

Gameplaying almost goes hand in hand with this rhetoric. I don’t want to have to play games with a girl that is pretending to be hard to get. It’s okay to have self-respect and not let everyone have easy access to you, I understand and respect that. However, this game of ‘he waited an hour to reply, so I’m going to wait 2 hours’ or ‘I have to show him he’s got competition’ or ‘I need to make him work really hard for my attention’ is so ridiculous. Not forgetting the petty jealousy that follows on from the assumption that if I haven’t contacted you for an hour I must be talking to another girl. Why can’t it be straightforward? Why can’t we get to know each other with none of this extra bullshit that goes with it? Everything is dragged out. Not to mention the fact that, apparently, you’re too keen if you show any bit of interest. Nobody wants to speak about feelings because everyone’s been hurt before by someone else. I hear girls scream ‘men are trash’ all the time, when you lot are just as trash. There are good guys out there wanting to find a decent girl, but getting their time wasted, the same way you lot do by men. 

It’s not our fault you’re choosing the wrong guys. And you could argue that we are choosing the wrong girls too, however the options of find a decent Turkish Cypriot girl are VERY limited nowadays. It shouldn’t be such a maze to find a partner.

When speaking to fellow Turkish Cypriot men my age, it seems to be a common theme that most Turkish Cypriot girls that we come across have a sexual history. Whilst I don’t mind a girl with some sort of sexual history, the Turkish Cypriot community is a small one which thrives on gossip; Fatma from Enfield knows the ins and outs of Selin and her family from Lewisham, and it’s only gotten worse since the introduction of social media. I don’t want to be the chewing gum in some teyze’s (aunty’s) mouth because she knows an Emine who knows a Hatice who is in some way related to my girl’s ex.

All in all, I’ve always wanted a Turkish Cypriot girl, and whilst you could argue that this is due to the fact that it’s been indoctrinated into me by family when growing up; it is actually something I personally really want. I want to keep the culture going. I don’t want to have to adapt to someone else’s culture and/or lose mine. I am proud to be a Turkish Cypriot, and I don’t want to lose that. I want to eventually pass that pride on to my children. However there really is a lack of good potential partners nowadays within the community. I know this isn’t a problem that I face alone, it seems to be a common problem within the Turkish Cypriot community for both males and females. We need to start making a change and doing better. Hopefully one day, I’ll be able to find a Turkish Cypriot wife, that has a good education, good career, is beautiful inside and out, and sits in the middle of the spectrum between modern and traditional.

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